


Partial Abdication.

by Fauning_Over_Lahey (godrics_quill22)



Series: Isaac Lahey Diaries [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Confessions, Domestic Violence, Emotional Abuse, Gen, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Nightmares, Pain, Physical Abuse, Rape, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy, Trigger Warnings, attempted suicide, food denial, maniacal behaviour, suppression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 06:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4950292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godrics_quill22/pseuds/Fauning_Over_Lahey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a nightmare on the night of the second anniversary of his father's death, Scott and Melissa thought it was time for Isaac to let go of the past. With professional help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Partial Abdication.

**Author's Note:**

> AU where Isaac has a twin sister. Please do pay attention to the tags and know if you're sensitive, you probably shouldn't read this.

"Forgiveness is to me a paradox. 

Sometimes it seems like the penultimate step in moving on. Sometimes I think that forgiveness is more than abusers deserve. Sometimes I don’t know whom to forgive. Sometimes I don't know if I /can/ forgive my father. 

I mean we all encountered the shocks. Our /mother/ left. We felt the pain too but he just went ahead and acted like a child, /forcing/ us to mature way before it was time and then as if robbing us of our childhood wasn't enough, he robbed us of every sense of normalcy that we had left." He looked at the woman sitting across from him. 

"I mean, deep down, I think I have forgiven our mother and Camden for leaving. After all, if I was unhappy in a relationship, I would walk too. How /he/ behaved was what was unforgiveable. He made us feel like failures and till date I'm tormented by low self-esteem, and feelings of shame and unworthiness... 

Am I to just overlook all those years of trauma,find an excuse for him and forgive him? I am always on one side or the other of that particular internal debate." He breathed out shakily, trying to calm his emotions. Scott had suggested this session with a psychoanalyst after he had woken up screaming and thrashing about a week ago. It was the second anniversary of his father's death and even though he hasn't had a nightmare in months, nor thought about his father in months, he had had a nightmare because it seemed he was subconsciously aware of it, causing Scott -and Melissa- to both agree that he perhaps needed to get things off his chest. It took him five meetings with the woman before he finally opened up and now, he couldn't help letting it all out. 

"Fueled by alcohol, my father’s outbursts could be triggered by a bad day at work, my not picking up my things, my not picking them up properly, or, as was usually the case, absolutely nothing at all. I did my best to avoid him, but if I couldn't, he would just start yelling at me. I was given a rule that I should only ever go into the kitchen for food, at certain times –and if I missed that slot, I went without– but I was too afraid to  
go downstairs in case he chased into the kitchen after me as he sometimes did. Bellowing at me, backing me into the corner until I was whimpering and crying and then he would just laugh at me and walk away, satisfied by my distress. I had black eyes every week. His behaviour made me feel worthless as a person. I knew it was wrong from the first punch when I was 13 but I was very young and scared, and worried about coping on my own. 

I also thought he would change like he kept promising but after a while, he stopped bothering. It felt like it was all my fault. He /told/ me it was my fault and I believed him. He stabbed me. 

Twice. 

One in my thigh for not cleaning the kitchen to his liking, and one with a fork right here..." He pulled the neck of his t-shirt down to reveal the scar but the neck of the shirt was too tight to budge. "... Threw it right across the table at me then went on to tell me how much I deserved that. To him, it was no big deal. I deserved it. I provoked it. I did the things he didn't like /purposefully/ because I enjoyed being beaten... 

...I still have problems sleeping with night terrors. I used to find it difficult to concentrate in school and had problems remembering stuff. I always wanted to play lacrosse but I couldn't because of the striped scars from shoulder to heel on my back and legs from when he had beaten me with an extension cord on multiple occasions and till date, I can't wear shorts so much that I wear sweat pants to sleep. I had bruising around my lips..." he trailed his finger over his top lip slowly, closing his eyes as the image of himself reflected in a mirror crawled into his mind and he swallowed, pulling himself out of it. 

"... right here, caused by my own tongue as I incessantly licked them, unable to stop due to emotional problems from all the suffering /I had to keep to myself/. I knew the police was nice but I was still worried that no-one would believe me. As the arguments with my dad got worse, I started running away for longer and I could be away for up to a whole day...

...Sometimes I’d stay back longer in school, go straight to work and come home late but there were times when I had nowhere to go. I wandered the streets in the middle of the night scared- scared? No, /terrified/ of going home yet knowing I /needed/ to go. It was after one of my night escapes that I got home and found my father coming out of my twin sister's room, zipping up his pants. The bile had risen in my throat as I watched the pissed drunk man and unable to stop the images that flooded my thoughts, I pounced on him... 

...He ended up punching me, giving me a black eye and kicking me out of the house... I didn't want to leave my sister there. I felt I had to protect her. I mean my abuse may have started when I was thirteen but at sixteen we were still young, and yet I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough, I was malnourished and I hadn't eaten anything all day. When I went back in the morning he was full of apologies, and said it wouldn’t happen again. 

But then it did. And then it happened over and over again till the man stopped feeling remorse and seemed to actually /enjoy/ it. I couldn't tell anyone because I feared if they didn't believe me and instead told him the "lies" I told them, then it would be twice as bad when I got home...

...I started escaping from the house to go to the phone box, where I would will myself to phone ChildLine but I always chickened out because I didn't know how my sister would feel about me telling people about something so private without telling her first and yet, day in and day out, I had to look into her face and pretend ignorance. Eventually things just got too much and I was having thoughts about killing myself. My sister beat me to it." He gulped, the memory of that fateful day when he had found Kathy in the tub still fresh in his mind even though it has been two years already. 

"Looking back, I can see that I didn’t hate myself just quite enough to take that path of self destruction but she did. “Just enough” is what saved me. And then somehow, just beating me black and blue was just not enough so he decided to shove me into an old freezer in the house's basement and lock me in. I remember waking up every morning from a night spent locked in a freezer, feeling like I was going to die. The moment my feet touched the cold floor of the "dungeon", I felt like I was going to literally crumble to pieces if I didn’t grab my middle and hold myself together. 

It was a physical sensation that came about as a result of my emotional pain and it snatched the breath right out of my lungs. I didn’t know what was happening to me or how I would get through the rest of my day when I couldn’t let go of my middle and as terrified as I was of the room I was in, I simply sat down on the floor and didn’t do anything for several minutes." He paused for a while, fiddling with his figers before clearing his throat and continuing. 

"During the first few weeks, I screamed and scratched, /begging/ for mercy from him and trying to get the attention of anyone and everyone. I think people knew I was struggling but they didn't know the extent and some just didn't care. After a while, I stopped crying and screaming, not because I gave up but because he had tauntingly told me that He liked it whenever I got feisty because the makeup sex was incredible." He gulped audibly and stood up, walking to the window and exhaling heavily to calm himself. He had the memory of that night engraved in his head. 

He remembered how still he had gone after hearing that, trembling in fear yet unable to voice it out as guilt racked his body and shook him to the core. He imagined all the times his psychotic father had had "make-up sex" with Kathy just because he rebelled. When he finally felt calm enough, he turned to the woman who was doing well to school her features, but his werewolf senses picked up on the extreme anger coming from her. For a strange moment, and mostly out of habit, he heard himself comforting her instead. 

"But don't worry. He died two years ago -ironically not from alcohol- and even though I'm not /happy/ about it, I'm happy that Kathy and I are fine and I can't forgive him because I can't forget all that. No, that's impossible." And then he looked at her expectantly. "So do you understand why I can't forgive my dad?" 

She gave him a firm nod. "Yes." 

And oddly enough, her approval of his hatred for the dead man actually made him feel human enough to think that perhaps it was time to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm evil, I know but I wrote this as a #Solo for my Isaac account on twitter and thought to share it.


End file.
